Time is...not well spent

December 16, 2019

Long time, no blog!

 

I have spent the last few months attempting to create new habits. I have this hard belief that adults are too impatient and stubbornly set in their ways to make changes. As much as I'd like to sit back and declare myself a non-adult, the reality is that I am 40 years old and living like a junk rat.

When I want something, I order it: nail polish, pin sets, video games

Or I eat it: ice cream, ordering Frost Donuts via DoorDash, eating an entire tub of dried orkra

Or I ignore everything around me to obsess over 1 thing: I CAN'T STOP PLAYING (insert video game title here) AND MY HOUSE IS A MESS

 

Rather than practice self control, I'm all YOLO the moment I wake up. And by YOLO, I mean sitting around my house sticking to the same routine and complaining about how nothing changes...like, is shit supposed to change on its own? Okay, I will just sit here in an ice cold puddle of self pity and wait for things to change on their own.

 

Spoiler Alert: THAT DOESN'T WORK

 

Spending the majority of my days alone don't help. While everyone is at work, I'm home dealing with my internal demons or just ignoring them. Let's face it...we're ignoring the demons. The demons have moved in and turned my house into their crash pad. It's like a college frat house. But instead of pizza boxes and beer cans, my house is a landmine field of self doubt and depression and fears. All of the delicious dastardly turmoil that demons love to chow down on.

 

So I quell those demons with frivolity. Don't get me wrong, I love my frivolity, but it is time to cut back. It's time to untangle. It's time to turn on the location button on the brain and head towards a more focused point.

 

Let's build some new habits! OLD DOGS CAN INDEED LEARN NEW TRICKS. So, stop being an entitled adult and remember how amazing it was to learn new things.

 

My mother and father are kicking ass in this regard. Mom is traversing a personally healthier path and kicking the absolute shit out of her goals. I am so proud of her hard work. Dad is focusing on his artistic side with woodworking. He took to it like a duck to water. Every visit home is like hitting up a intimate art gallery. I am amazed by what he's creating.

 

In the spirit of developing new habits, *GESTURES TO THE WEBSITE* I started working on this project again. Feels good, bro. I am also keeping track of things such as water and food intake, watching my recreational substances limit, and doing a few things outside of my comfort zone. I drink a lot of tea and have made that as part of my daily ritual.

 

Now, if I can only remember to brush my teeth more regularly...

 

There is a lot more that I have done to get my ass on track, but that is for other posts...or, I might keep that personal. I love sharing and I love telling stories, but I realize that I don't need to share everything. I never feel pressured to, but I realize that keeping some things offline keeps me focused.

 

I could go on for pages, but I do have a chore list to focus on *wink*

Until the next post, friends.

Be excellent to each other.

 

Added to website: Instagram feed, Spotify playlist link, updated RT link

Still cleaning the cobwebs. Eating this elephant one bite at a time.

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